6: 31

Sometimes i can't tell if a memory were a dream or not. I've always come to conflict with it. For as long as i could remember i've had vivid dreams, tormenting sometimes. And sometimes i wonder if what i fear at night is factual or just... a dream. There's a fine line between reality and dream and for me, it's blurred often. The dreams about monsters and creatures are just as real as me speaking to my sister in an afternoon. But it's fake, i know that. That doesn't take away my fear though. Little do people know that what i actually fear lies deep within my closet or around a corner. I have a phobia that i had just recently laughed off to my aunt and mother, I hesitate to open closed bathroom doors or stalls afraid of what lies behind it. I don't know why they're bathroom doors, but they simply are. The mind plays odd tricks on a person, almost cruel. Why? Well I wish I knew. I wish I knew why dreams would somehow play out as memories to me, I wish I knew why I'm so afraid of many, petty, things. But that's just how it all is I suppose.

12: 55

I've been wanting to write a story, a lovely one. One that means something. One that will take me years to finish, one that i wont get tired of writing. I want to write forever...but i cant. I cant ever figure out what to write, i can never quench the thirst i have for writing. Nothing is ever good enough when i try. It sucks.

My senior year is approaching. Im already nervous and scared and shy. Though i've been at this school for three years (this being my fourth) i'm still very nervous and i would rather just not go. I still feel like I know no one. It's a scary feeling always feeling like you're the new student. But there is a new drama department and im scared. I really have to put myself out there, i mean, i've done it a million times before but now its different. I dont want to have to embarrass myself with the games, i dont want it to be difficult, i cant hide behind my fellow mates. I have to step it up and i kind of dont want to. I feel like a new person though.

By the way; i'm done with boys.