Senior Year...

First day of senior year:

I'm not sure what to say about it. No, it wasn't the greatest experience in the whole freaking world and no, it wasn't the most horrible thing EVER (kinda). It was extremely awkward in fact. I didn't like it because of that but that also made me like it as well, no need to impress people I don't know. I just need to find my rhythm to the entire thing again. That's the hardest part of all. I'm out of my comfort spot all over again.

You know? The worst thing is that you could know one person in each class but they got their set of friends they would rather hang out with in the same class. Those, my dear, are called cliques and the thing about me is that i don't really have one. I have my cousin whom i hang out with everyday but she's not a clique, she's my family. Basically, i'm hanging with my sister. Not much of a 'friend catcher' but when i do find one...Jesus. It's one after the other after the other after the other. I 'recycle friends' also. It's great to be a freaking nomad in high school. I live in a bubble of awkwardness.

8: 00

I'm starting school tomorrow. I'm taking a sleeping pill in about an hour.

Oh Cherie Currie.

I wanna be a rockstar with a "dont-give-a-fuck-about-anything" persona. I wanna wear crazy makeup with leather pants and a skimpy shirt saying, "Sex pistol." How would that sound to your mommma?

Home

I'd know it's him when he sings the other half of the song.

.

Funny, i dont even know who the hell i'm not.

2: 55

This is the kind of life i wish i had. I would read for hours and simply take breaks just because my eyes began to hurt or because i was hungry or thirsty. Sometimes i wish i could just read forever, be lost in a world that isnt mine because its easier to claim a world that isnt yours then to live the life you already have.

12: 20

I want to learn how to surf. It seems pretty epic to me. Funny how i just have the urge to start surfing the last week of summer. Im a last minute kind of person if you havent noticed and it sucks sometimes. But this is what i want to do and i hope this urge sticks with me for about a year so then when summer comes around i get to get on that fucking board and just shred the waves man.

12: 10

I cant sleep. It sucks. I have many things in my mind and im wide awake. By this time (well this day) next week i'll be starting my senior year in high school. It blows. People always tell me that I should be excited starting my senior year, i'll be ruling the school, it's the greatest year, it's your LAST year...and every 'great' thing you could possibly think of after that. But to me, its just another year of school. Is that pessimistic? I've never been a school type person. School is for suckers. But i am an okay student, ive never cut a class BUT i have failed so i might as well have during Algebra II. My dad expects an A this year since im repeating it. I highly doubt that, when i fail my first test im dropping the course. I'll be finished with Algebra II in my high school career. If senior year is going to be my best year it's going to be without math. And again, it WILL be with math soooo... this sucks. Here comes the damn senior. Im not too happy about it. I swear my freshman year I was stolked a lot more than how i am now, a week before it all. Doesnt every person first coming into high school wish they were seniors? And now that im here i just want to skip it in its entirety. I dont want to be a senior, actually, i just dont want to go to school. Period. THEN i have college for like another six years. But thats college i guess. I heard its different. I was never a fan of high school, when i first got in i wanted out. I didnt want to be a senior because they were top dogs or because i thought they were 'cool' and got all the attention at school-no, it was only because i would have only one year left of this hell hole. Thats why and now that im here and i can taste the end i just want to skip the entire thing...

LET'S GO GRADUATING CLASS OF 2011!

1: 42

I feel suffocated.

1: 33

My taste in all things social is changing again. Just goes to show me, of all people, that i'm still trying to find myself. I wonder how long this is going to last because it's just peachy. I know these little 'life crisis' situations are hitting me hard when i stay up at night. You know what runs through my head? Red lipstick, tattoos on my arm, short hair, great & soft moccasins, my wool bag, school plays, a showoff during lunch, prom, magazines, San Francisco, help little girls with self-esteem issues, tooth pick skinny, a boy just as crazy as i am... But you know what? I highly doubt tattoos on my arm just yet, i'm not a giving person, i dont have red lipstick, i'm scared of short hair, i can't even drive to SF, i have nothing to show off during lunch, im too lazy to run miles to get tooth pick skinny & i ENJOY eating thank you, & i will not find a boy just as psycho as i am-well not here and i doubt now. I just enjoy pretending that i'll be someone, it's great actually. But then i wake up and realize that being a loser is the way to go! :)