9:26

Sometimes i wish i could just vanish, i'm not sure where i would want to go. But 'go' is what i want to do. I'm frustrated with everything, i don't know how to do the simplest things in everyday life, my mind is constantly wrapped around things that really...have no importance. But though they have no importance, i'd rather keep my mind on that. Everything else that has to be thought will drive me to insanity. Maybe that's why we have imagination and the ability to focus on other things because if all we focused on was what needed to be done and what needed to be perfect we'd go insane. Then again...maybe insanity would be a good thing. I'm not being dark or emo or any of that shit. It's just something to think about while i fail at everything and realize that i will get no where in this putrid life. But again, it's my frustration speaking. By tomorrow morning i'm sure i'll be fine again, not thinking much of life. Just living it day by day, night by night.
It's funny, you know what drove me to my frustration today? Math. No, i didnt get into an argument, no i didnt hurt anyone else, no i didnt lose something. But simply math. It's funny how easily it dominates my life and emotions. It's funny how it controls my entire day. But because of fucking math my life will go down the drain, isnt that odd? Because i dont know how to compute simple equations i will not be able to feed my children, i will not be able to shelter myself, i will be dependent on a man. Why? Because i cant add 2+2. That's fucking why. Why in the fuck should i suffer? Hm? Why in the fuck should i bring down my future family? Why? I try and i suppose i dont try hard enough. I mean, holy fucking shit. Really? Because i cant compute math i will skip out on prom, i will skip out on a great college, i will skip out on great husbands, i will skip out in children. If i can't support myself, i will not have children. No matter how bad i would want them. I havent gotten to the point of complete and honest stupidity and luckily i know i wont be getting there anytime soon. Yeah.
I finished my homework, i do actually all of my homework, excusing one or two assignments. Other than that, i do it. But she weights our grade 60% on tests and quizes. Failing one quiz will bring me down to an F....and it did. I can feel my rage boiling again. I sort of want to cry, i feel it building in my chest but when i normally cry it brings out the worst in me. I think it makes matters so much more worse if i cry. I dont like crying. I just get really, really pissed.
I never really get mad though, i get enraged. No matter how big or small the conflict may be, i get enraged. That quality is the worst possible and it doesnt help much. I wont get over that anytime soon, i will get better, but the rage wont go away and i'm not so sure why.